Grace Through Confession

A fearful question arose in me the other day...do I use the word "grace" as a coverall for those things in my life my don't really want to  deal with?

How much am I like our original ancestors, Adam and Eve, who when caught in sin, hide?  And then not only hide, but sew together some sort of leafy makeshift clothing to cover my shame...but then try to downplay it by calling upon something known as grace?  I wonder if I want a god who sees my fig leaf attire and who will chuckle at my wayward ways.  I wonder if I want him to say, "Ah, humans will be humans!", wink at what a scoundrel I am, and send me on my merry way.

But instead, I know a God who walks among us, asking me (like He did to Adam and Eve), "Where are you?" When I explain my fig leaf covering to him, he names it for what it really is...stinkweed.  He exposes the reality of my vestments made from noxiously scented plants and calls it sin.

So often - out of protection or fear, or shame - I Christianly package that deep sin.  Psalm 4 haunts me by asking, "how long will you love what is worthless and aim at deception?"  That is the sin planted so deep in me.  I cling for life - I love - worthless things....self-protection, self love, self cultivation.  But 1 John tells me:

If we claim we are free from sin, we're only fooling ourselves.  A claim like that is errant nonsense.  On the other hand, if we admit our sins - make a clean breast of them - He  {God} won't let us down.  He'll be true to himself.  He'll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing.

God says these things to me because He knows something I often forget.  I want to hide and claim a fuzzy, tolerant concept of grace, but so often....

Grace comes through confession.

It is the difficult way, but any other way is misnamed.  Grace can come as I am exposed for who I am - a lover of worthlessness, liar, "little sin" person, or part of a tribe skilled at packaging my behavior with a "Jesus" label to make it OK.

My little sins are actually big.  "Continuing grudges. Competition for recognition.  Power plays in work gatherings and board meetings. Weariness in well-doing that excuses laziness and justifies my insistence that others notice me.  Ten-second peeks at pornography.  A few minutes of "harmless" fantasies before I go to sleep.  Materialism hidden beneath gratitude to God for good income.  Resentment at my spouse for not coming through for me.  A commitment never to hurt again like that.  The resolve to be in control of how my kids turn out.  Too much television that helps me pretend I'm not lonely." (quoted: Larry Crabb)

And all that must be confessed.  I must admit what God already knows; I am invited to agree with His vision of reality.  And He - the One who could rightfully accuse - chooses forgiveness and even cleanses me of the deep sin that would destroy me.  That is grace!

It is this continual confession that allows me to know grace, not by covering myself with some renamed leaves of self-protection.  While I might want a god who says to us, "It's OK.  I understand", I actually have a grace-full God who says, "It's not OK and I understand your condition far deeper than you know.  I love you so much but your sin is killing you.  It needs to be exposed, confessed, forgiven and you need to be cleansed.  Only I can do that for you.  Only then will you know real grace"